Ask Jezzman in Prawn's Absence

[DaMorgs]

Dear Jezzman,

Will you be channeling the Mighty Pink One via ouija board during his absence or will you enlighten us all with your own omnipotent power of the mind and world as a whole?

Yours, slightly aroused in anticipation,

Morgs

[Strifeboy]

My beloved jezz

Whats the best way to pick up chicks, do they like the sensitive quite type or strong and assertive men? Because of my charm and beauty i can pull anything i want off

[jezzman]

Dear Jezzman,

Will you be channeling the Mighty Pink One via ouija board during his absence or will you enlighten us all with your own omnipotent power of the mind and world as a whole?

Yours, slightly aroused in anticipation,

Morgs

Dear Da Morgs,

While I personally believe the act of channelling through a oujia board is nothing but a fabulously formulated viral marketing campaign generated by Mattel to sell more Scrabble boards, it feels like a warm, loving, yet brutally wild fountain of energy has snuck up on me from behind and injected itself into my core; an energy I feel somehow compelled to tame, make my own, domesticate if you will.

I am, obviously, greatly honoured to have Prawn inside me, and I will endeavour to respectfully answer your questions with the same respect Prawn showed me this morning.

Oh God hurry back Prawn.

Thanks for the question!

Yours equally aroused,
Jezzman.

[jezzman]

My beloved jezz

Whats the best way to pick up chicks, do they like the sensitive quite type or strong and assertive men? Because of my charm and beauty i can pull anything i want off

Dear Strifeboy,

Thanks for your first question to Ask Jezzman in Prawn's Absence, welcome to the Terrordome!

Like all things in life my dear Strifey, balance will provide you with content, peace, and ultimately a look at your lucky chick’s front-bottom that you so clearly desire. Presenting yourself as too sensitive can make you look like a girly-swot, while being too strong and assertive can make you come off as a knuckle-head Collingwood supporter.

The answer is a delicate balance between the two, and mastering this balance will take years of practice. To speed things up in the meantime you may want to start supporting the Sydney Swans; let’s face it if you have the charm and beauty as you claim you’ll likely end up their anyway!

Good luck, and thanks for all the fish!

Jezzman

[Lexx]

Dear J-man

To truly feel comfortable I need to ask you this one question as the answer will allow me to understand the depth of your wisdom.

If I were to travel back in time and give myself a blow-job - would that make me gay?

-lexx

[Strifeboy]

As a man who knows nothing about sport, can you explain this to me?

In the meantime you may want to start supporting the Sydney Swans; let’s face it if you have the charm and beauty as you claim you’ll likely end up their anyway!

[Strifeboy]

My beloved jezz

Some guys in Russia launched a donkey in the air, "think it was para-sailing or something" Is it possible to do this to an elephant?



Who is Lindsay Lohan?

[Strifeboy]

My beloved jezz

I know im over working you But i just suddenly found myself with spare questions i wanted to ask, and no, no picture this time

Is their a trail version of photo shop and if so does it have a time limit?

Is their a way to type words down and then add a link to them so when you click on it, it takes you to another page? EG social thread, and it has a url to that page, or youtube and take you to it with some clip in you tube?

[Lexx]

Hahaha - you mean like this?

[DaMorgs]

Hahaha - you mean like this?

Be damned!! You're not the Almighty, Jezzman! You do not possess the penis of a gargantuan elephant, how dare you be so bold as to pre-empt his response!

But nice link though.

[Strifeboy]

Lexx i have never been so cut in my life

[Lexx]

:cry: Lexx i have never been so cut in my life

[dunny]

Hey Jezzman,

I was threatened at work yesterday as I had the hide to try and get someone back to work who would prefer to defraud the system and not return to employment and live off workcover.
As I had witnesses that he threatened me can I now take him out first and claim self defence?

Thanks Jezz in the spirit of prawn

Dunny

[jezzman]

Dear J-man

To truly feel comfortable I need to ask you this one question as the answer will allow me to understand the depth of your wisdom.

If I were to travel back in time and give myself a blow-job - would that make me gay?

-lexx

Dear Lexx,

I’m truly flattered by your attempt to understand my “wisdom”, especially coming from somebody as wise as your good self. The very concept is akin to the great Kasparov trying to understand naughts and crosses, or Shannon Noll trying to understand excrement. Nevertheless, I’ll give it a shot!

I recently travelled through time myself (in the form of doing a search on this site for past references by you regarding this idea), and I am able to tell you that the correct answer is no, it would not make you gay and that the act would merely be masturbatory (see what I did there?). However, my tampering with the space-time continuum by conducting this search has in itself altered the fabric and order to which the universe traverses. We have moved from a fixed, linear time-line to an alternate reality whereby anything is possible, including one where Guy Sebastian DOESN’T perform live action sheep puppetry.

That being said, the only way to answer your question is to examine it from a point of time that we know is true; the present. Regardless of what has occurred in the past, the present will always be truth. For example, if you were to go back in time and allow young Lexx to blow a batch in old Lexx’s eyebrows, we would be now discussing the subject with this in the context of your life.

Ultimately, you would simply be as gay as you are right now. So yeah, you’d be pretty gay.

For more information in this you should check out this fine documentary.

Best,
Jezzman.

[jezzman]

My beloved jezz

Some guys in Russia launched a donkey in the air, "think it was para-sailing or something" Is it possible to do this to an elephant?

My Dear Strifey,

A subject close to my heart, I recently asked Prawn a similar question. Yes, it is possible to do this to an elephant (they love it!), however I would I recommend fasting the beast for several days prior.

Jezzman.